By Elizabeth Wurtzel
I weigh down up my capsules and chortle them like airborne dirt and dust. they're my sugar. they're the beauty within the days that experience none. They drip via me like tupelo honey. Then they're long past. Then i want extra. I continuously desire extra. For all of my existence i've got wanted extra. A precocious literary mild, Elizabeth Wurtzel released her groundbreaking memoir of melancholy, Prozac state, on the gentle age of twenty-six. a global luck, a cultural phenomenon, the e-book opened doorways to a rarefied global approximately which Elizabeth had basically dared to dream in the course of her middle-class upbringing in ny urban. yet no good fortune may possibly staunch her non-stop conflict with melancholy. The negative fact used to be that not anything had replaced the vacancy within Elizabeth. Her relationships universally failed; she used to be fired from each journal task she held. certainly, the absence of success within the wake of luck turned yet one more doubtless insurmountable hurdle. while her physician prescribed Ritalin to spice up the consequences of her antidepression medicine, Elizabeth jumped. And the Ritalin labored. And labored. And labored. inside weeks, she was once grinding up the drugs and snorting them for a better impression. It reached the purpose the place she could not pass greater than 5 mins with no repair. It used to be Ritalin, after which cocaine, after which extra Ritalin. In a harrowing account, Elizabeth Wurtzel contemplates what it ability to be in love with whatever on your blood that takes over your physique, turns into the lifestyles strength inside you -- and will finally kill you. extra, Now, back is an remarkable and well timed tale of a brand new form of dependancy. however it can be a narrative of survival. Elizabeth Wurtzel hits all-time low, will get fresh, makes use of back, and at last profits regulate over her drug and her existence. As sincere as a confession and as heartfelt as a prayer, extra, Now, back recounts a brave struggle again to a existence worthy dwelling.
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Extra resources for More, Now, Again: A Memoir of Addiction
Sample text
There’s no reason it can’t get into my system just as well through my nose. The only problem is that it hits very hard when I sniff it up, it goes right to my brain, so there’s no chance for it to absorb into my bloodstream gradually. The exact problem I was complaining about in the first place—that the Ritalin doesn’t last long enough, that I feel the drop-off an hour before I am supposed to take my next dose—happens much more quickly when I snort it. So I try to snort half a pill at a time; I try to maintain at least two hours between lines.
I realize I have run out of Ritalin about two weeks sooner than I am supposed to. I can’t figure out how this has happened because, even though I know it’s not true, I still believe that I am only taking four pills a day. Okay, maybe a few extra here and there, but if I am already out, I must be taking at least double the amount. I have no sense of how it has multiplied. Granted, occasionally I will chop up two at a time because the more powder I have, the more fun it is. But I don’t see how it has gotten to the point where I have a couple of weeks before I get a new prescription and I’m already out.
I am so desperate to find a twenty-dollar bill that I panic looking for one. I snort up the Ritalin. It scratches and burns my nostrils a little bit, but it’s not too bad. And then I feel a tiny rush in my brain. It’s nothing too intense, just a little burst, but it feels so nice. So nice. So nice to be putting stuff into my nose again. I decide that from now on, when I take my Ritalin doses, I will cut the pills in half, or quarters, or pieces, or whatever it comes out to. Part of it I will ingest orally, and the other part I will chop into powder and take in nasally.
